One of the biggest under discussed and ignored hungers for women is their ability to be truly heart opened friends with other women.
Somehow this is tied to competition around the erotic. I don't completely understand this yet. But what I know is that when women come to my retreats they often talk about wanting to heal their relationships with women, but sometimes they don't express this desire at all -- or even know that their relationships with other women is not lived at it's fullest. Mostly, when I meet women, it's just about their own relationship to the erotic and perhaps their partner. But it's this other part that I really want to talk about.... something else happens that the women express -- even though they got everything that they wanted from the retreat experience around the erotic and that was essential for them. What stood out was the super glue sisterhood. These women heal the female wound around the trustworthiness of other women in their lives at a sexuality retreat which is mostly filled with heterosexual/bisexual and cis gendered women. What I have noticed is when all competition is removed, and all the women are held in presence, attention, and love no matter anything else about their background, age, physical appearance.....everyone softens. Hearts open. And a new kind extraordinarily sisterhood opens up in sharing their most vulnerable and authentic selves.
These relationship continue often far past any relationship with me or the retreats. I often watch them dance together from afar, long after their retreat experiences are over. These become forever friendships and the women are able to bring that kind of loving into their other female friendships.
We as women are under fed, under respected, and often under loved. We are pitted against each other in every possible way. As we step forward into a new world where female unity and strength is more important than ever --- this is an area where we need to figure out how to heal.
And I know if I say it can really start with the erotic, for some people that immediately leads them to images of women rolling around naked with each other and images of porn. Go deeper. Go deeper. Go deeper. It's not that at all.
It's something far more powerful.
Loving you from here, Pamela Madsen