The Pleasure Paradox

If you believe that our DNA holds generations of memory and cultural values, then you can understand why so many women have such a difficult time with sexual pleasure. If the values that are imprinted on our very cells inform our behavior without us even understanding the "why"; erotic pleasure becomes a difficult noodle to push up a hill. This is why woman can often do the "Pussy-Talk" but not feel the "Pussy-Pleasure" in all the ways that are possible.

There is a layering to our healing, and reclaiming of our bodies:

  1. Women have been taught for generations (value) that our sexuality is for the pleasure of men (behavior). Sex has often been transactional on multiple levels and not for a woman's own pleasure (desire). Women have resourced their sexuality for safety, or for our children, or power or for a woman's very survival.

  2. Men also have this DNA structure where on some level they too believe that women's sexuality is for them and not for her pleasure. Again, this may not be conscious.

  3. To rewrite these DNA messages so that they are not passed onto future generations of men and women requires a deep willingness to move ourselves from ingrained often unconscious behaviors to new ways of visioning the relationship between men and women as well as the importance of sexual pleasure in the lives of women. And I believe that we are doing that now.

  4. The struggle is real. It is a real struggle for women to reclaim their body for their own value. It can feel impossible to be able to name desire or truly love our own bodies. It is a struggle for women to imagine themselves for their own pleasure not for the eyes of male attention. It is a struggle for women to put their pleasure on the menu and to reclaim it not only for themselves but for the DNA of future generations. We can change this culturally. We can change this through the somatic.

  5. We cannot truly consent when we freeze erotically. When we conceal our pain for the pleasure of male sexuality and a sense of obligation. When our sexuality is a transaction instead of being our own birthright to pleasure.

You are not alone. The question is if you can allow yourself to fully participate in this time of reclaiming. Curious how you can begin? I invite you to look at my meditation guide, which can help you begin the journey at home.

I hope there is something here for you.

Loving you from here, Pamela Madsen