Dear People of the Blog,
Can You See Me Sexy?
Can I Feel Me Sexy?
It can be all screwed up. The signals that men and women use to locate lovers can be completely screwed up by the sexual insecurity that so many people feel about their self image. A woman who is worried about her appearance can't relax to let her sensuality rise up and be playful. If she is worried about her tummy poofing out she will be tense. Too many women spend their erotic time with their partners being on alert for reassurances from there lovers, that they are indeed attractive enough to them.
If she is ashamed of her shape, her weight, her breasts, the flesh on her arms or ass, she will be stilled. If she does not feel entitled to be seen, to attract attention, she will fade quietly into the background, never getting a place to shine.
If the man can only see a certain kind of beauty, his field of vision has also been corrupted to a place where he won't be able to see her true beauty. He might miss his soul mate. Because she doesn't look like a magazine cover model. Or because she is hiding her body and does not feel brave enough to send out signals that she is there and available.
According to Naomi Wolf in her book, "The Beauty Myth", "Men are visually aroused by women's bodies and less sensitive to their arousal by women's personalities because they are trained early into that response, while women are less visually aroused and more emotionally aroused because that is their training. This asymmetry in sexual education maintains men's power in the myth: They look at women's bodies, evaluate, move on; their own bodies are not looked at, evaluated, and taken or passed over. But there is no "rock called gender" responsible for that; it can change so that real mutuality--an equal gaze, equal vulnerability, equal desire--brings heterosexual men and women together.”
In so many ways, this is the reality of courtship and dating in our world. To move past these models requires a re-visioning of the way that we are with each other.
What I have found is that in so many ways the shift-magic can happen with the woman. If she can learn to feel her body, and express her innate sexiness that knows no restrictions or categories - it can be a game changer. If she can wake up enough to be seen as the hot sexy woman that her skin container holds - she will be seen and she will be desired.
Be the flower that opens it's petals. See what happens.
Defy description. Take center stage.
Buzz Buzz Buzz, And loving you from here, Pamela Madsen